After I got off the phone with Diamond, I had to figure out how I was going to confront Derik about this situation. I got on the internet and pulled up a list of this R&B artist's songs, and from the song titles and googling, I quickly found that every single song on the CD that Derik had given me was from this singer's most recent album. I just sat there looking up lyrics, googling songs and shaking my head in disbelief.
I knew, though, that I had to have some concrete evidence; something that he couldn't dispute, no matter what. So I got on Youtube and I looked up a video of this artist singing one of the songs on the CD a cappella. I watched it, and it was clear that the man in the video was NOT Derik, and it was clearly the same voice that was on the CD. I had my proof, now all I needed to do was wait for Derik to get home.
I didn't have to wait long. I heard the front door open and close and quickly minimized all the windows I had open on the computer. I turned on the TV and logged onto Facebook and waited for him to come back to our room.
When he walked in the door, he had several bags of stuff that he had gotten from Walmart (bought with my money, of course). He didn't say a word to me and began to put stuff away. I waited for him to say something to me and he didn't. He just ignored me like I wasn't there. Oh great, I thought. It's already starting out to be one of these days. Then, You know what? I don't care! He's the one in the wrong here! I worked up my nerve to confront him.
"Hey babe. Come here for a second. I want to show you something." I said.
He came over to where I was sitting on the bed and I pressed play on the Youtube video and turned the computer around.
It only took a couple of seconds for him to register what was happening. I just sat there and watched the emotions play over his face. First was confusion, then shock, then a little bit of panic and I could see him searching his mind for anything to cover up the fact that I finally caught him in a huge lie. He started to stutter and then exclaimed "That's impossible!"
I stopped the video and said "What's impossible Derik? I want to know what's impossible. Did this guy steal your vocal cords or something? What?!"
He got super indignant and pulled out his phone and said "Crystal, do I need to make a call to my studio manager and let you talk to him?"
"Absolutely. Call him right now."
"Uh..." Clearly he wasn't expecting me to take it this far. "You know what? I don't have to prove anything to you! What are you trying to say Crystal? Just say it!"
"You're a liar!" I yelled. "You lied to me and everyone about this and I seriously cannot believe that you would lie about something so dumb! You need to leave. Get your stuff and go visit your son. I don't want you here."
He got a couple of things and left to go visit his son, who was in town for a couple of days. After he left, I just sat in my bed for a little while reliving the whole fight. I couldn't believe that I actually had to confront a grown man about pretending to be someone else. I went to my mom's room and told Nancy about what had just happened. She listened sympathetically and asked me what I was going to do. I didn't know yet. I was so disgusted with Derik, but at the same time, I had invested so much into this relationship. My feelings for him were all but gone, but I just wasn't ready to end it yet. I needed to talk to him again, but I needed a couple days to process everything. I went on about my business and he continued to text me all day. I told him to leave me alone for a couple of days and then we could talk.
After a couple of days, I told him that he could come over to explain himself, but that he was not staying the night. I would talk to him, but then he needed to leave and he agreed.
So he comes over and we go outside.
"I did lie to you, Crystal," he began. "But not about what you think."
"Really? Ok, explain. I have to hear this."
"Ok. That wasn't me singing on the CD that I gave you. When I first signed on with the label, they signed me to a developmental contract. Do you know what that is?"
"No," I replied. (Primarily because such a thing does not exist.)
"Well, basically, they sign you and then they develop your talents. I wrote all of those songs and recorded all of those songs and then they gave them to <artist> for his new album. I didn't tell you because I was embarrassed that I put in all that work and then it was taken from me."
I listened to all of this and I was extremely saddened, because it was clear that he was just trying to cover up his lie with another lie. I knew this wasn't true. Nothing about it even sounded remotely possible. He was grasping at straws, but rather than call him out on his crap, I let it slide. Again. I just didn't want to argue anymore.
We ended the conversation and I told him that although we could still have a relationship, I needed a couple more days to myself. He left again, and I went to a bar by myself and got drunk. While I was at the bar, I called my ex-boyfriend Chris and told him everything that happened and asked if there was a remote possibility that his excuse could be the truth. He assured me that he was still lying to me and asked me once again, "This is the man you want?".
It wasn't. I didn't want this man anymore. He had proved himself over and over to be a liar and a manipulator and I let him walk all over me. I wish I could say that I made up my mind to leave him right then, but I didn't. I stuck it out with him for another miserable couple of months, but during that time, I had no desire for him and no respect for him as a man.
Friday, February 7, 2014
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
The Great Big Granddaddy Lie Pt 1
As, I said before, these lies were so unnecessary. Before Derik and I were dating, back when we were just friends and he was dating my best friend, I thought he was so awesome! I loved how "real" he was and I truly considered him to be one of my best friends. When we moved to my mom's house, I introduced him to all my new friends and some of my old ones and they all loved him too. They thought he was funny and charming and totally approved.
He didn't fool everyone though. My sister, Jessica, could see right through him. When she came down to visit for my Grandpa's funeral, she was furious. She could tell exactly what kind of person he was. She was always really good at reading people and even when I was younger, I couldn't lie to her, because she could see right through it. She had this uncanny ability to know what I was up to at all times, no matter how hard I tried to hide it. I guess Derik thought he was charming the pants off her, but immediately after meeting him, she went to Mom and confronted her about it.
"Why are you letting him stay here, Mom? He is a grown man! Me and him are the same age and he is taking advantage of you and her! Why are you allowing this?!"
"Don't you dare say anything to her, Jessica!", Mom said. "I allow him to stay here because she would leave if he did. I don't like it either, but at least I know where she is and know she is safe."
By that time, Mom had seen Derik's true colors, even if I hadn't. She had asked him to begin paying rent if he was going to stay there and although he said he would, he gave her a little bit of money one time and that was it.
Mom also didn't like him anymore because she was certain that he terrorized her dogs. She came home one night from work and found her little dog Bailey stuck behind the washer. She had run behind it to get away from Derik, who I personally had seen scare the dogs before by stomping at them, and she had gotten stuck. My mom loves her dogs and that really pissed her off.
My Grandma Wilma was also not fooled. I remember the day that I introduced Derik to her. My grandma had to have surgery on her stomach and my mom, who had worked in wound care, brought her back to our house to care for her and change her bandages while she recovered. I brought Derik in to meet her and right before my eyes, he transformed into this slimy, car salesman type and tried to charm her. I remember watching this take place and thinking "Oh my gosh, look at how fake he is acting!" His whole demeanor changed, his facial expression changed, even his voice took on a different sound. It left a really bad taste in my mouth. Later I found out that Grandma took my mom aside after meeting him and told her "You need to watch that one. He's not what he seems. He's a snake."
Derik soon abandoned even the pretense of having or looking for a job. I paid for everything. We got a joint bank account, which was a huge mistake and he made way more withdrawals than deposits. He would buy something almost every single day, or tell me he was hungry and to go get us something to eat and when I would ask him for some money to pay for it, he would just look at me like I was crazy. I ALWAYS ended up footing the bill. Why did this always happen to me? Why did I always end up paying for everything? All I wanted was a self sufficient man who could take care of his own business. That's it. I didn't want him to buy me anything or take me places or pamper me like a princess. Love me and be a man. Simple.
Soon, I noticed that Derik was being gone from home for longer and longer periods of time. I knew he wasn't working, so I wanted to know where he had been. He told me that he was spending a lot of time at the studio working on his music.
........Wait.... what?
Let's rewind. I have to set the stage for this one. This is the thing that really extinguished my feelings for him; the beginning of the end, I should say.
Back when I was still dancing (and this was about a year ago now), Derik started talking about how he got picked up by a record label. Now don't get me wrong; I'm not trying to knock his singing. He could sing a little bit. He wasn't bad, but he wasn't great either. He only had one run that he could do really well and he was always a little too pitchy for my taste. I sing also, so I'm a pretty good judge on whether someone can sing or not. All in all, not a terrible singer, but mediocre at best. That's why I was suprised when he said that, but at the time, Derik could do no wrong in my eyes. I was excited for him. I encouraged him to let me listen to his music and in time, he brought me a CD. It was a plain CD with the title of his album scrawled across it in Sharpie and he told me he hadn't had labels printed up for it yet. Okay. Perfectly reasonable explanation.
So I listened to it, and it was good. Like, really REALLY good. It didn't quite sound like him, but that didn't phase me because artists generally use auto tune and other effects on their music to make it sound better. No big deal.
I started dancing to these songs. And when I quit dancing, I let friends and family listen to the CD and would brag about how awesome and talented my boyfriend was. So a year goes by, and during that year Derik would randomly disappear for hours and then tell me he had been at the studio. If you recall, I was used to this because my previous boyfriend spent hours and hours in the studio.
Then one day, when I was on my way home from work, one of the songs came on the radio! I was super excited because it was the first time I had heard one of them on the radio, but as I listened, I couldn't help but think that it just didn't sound like him. I had always thought that. So when the song ended, I called the radio station and asked the DJ who sang the song that was just played and he told me a famous R&B artist's name. I repeated it back to him, confused. Surely I had misheard. He said it again. I thanked him and hung up, shocked. Might I add that this famous R&B artist had the same initials as Derik.
I was furious! The realization hit me that he had been lying to not only me, but several people, for over a year. Then I felt foolish; I had been letting family and friends listen to this CD and telling them that it was my boyfriend. And where the heck had he been going when he said he was going to the "studio"? Was he cheating on me? Probably. Then I was incredulous. He was blatantly plagiarizing a famous artist's work. Are you serious?! This can't be real life.
By the time I got home, I had worked myself into a frenzy. I sat in my car for a few extra minutes to calm down and figure out how I was going to handle this. I couldn't let this one slide like I had the other lies. I knew he was lying to me about the car and his job and everything else, but I let it slide because I still cared about him. But this was too big, too involved to let go. I had to confront him.
I was pretty sick of being with Derik by this time. I felt like I had to constantly walk on eggshells around him. When I got home from work, I didn't know which Derik I was going to get; the kind, loving one, or the one who ignored me and when he did talk to me, made me feel like I had done something wrong and I had to guess what it was. Usually, when I got home, I just wouldn't speak to him until spoken to, so I knew which Derik I was dealing with. I felt like a prisoner in my own home. He literally gave me anxiety attacks sometimes.
I decided to give him a chance to confess.
I walked into the room like I didn't have a care in the world and said hello.
"Guess what, babe?"
"What?"
"I heard your song on the radio tonight on my way home from work!" Fake smile.
"Oh yeah? That's cool." he replied.
"Yeah. It's weird though," I said. "When the song was over, the DJ said that the song was by <insert famous singer's name here>. I wonder why that is?"
I kid you not, he said, "Oh yeah...well... our initials are the same, so that's a pretty common mistake. They say that all the time."
When he said that, I was just blown away. You mean to tell me that a DJ, whose job it is to know songs and the artists they are performed by, told me the wrong person? I don't think so.
I just said okay, and went to bed. Needless to say, when he tried to get some that night, I refused.
The next morning when I woke up, Derik was gone. I got up and called my friend Diamond and told her what happened. She was sympathetic.
"I hate to say I told you so, Crystal, but... I did. He is a habitual liar; he seriously cannot help himself. I told you when he did these same kind of things to me and you didn't believe me."
She was absolutely right. I didn't believe her and look where that got me. I should have listened. I would have been better off with Chris. He didn't work, but at least he never lied to me about it.
I'm going to go ahead and wrap this post up here. I'll cover the confrontation next time I write but this post is getting pretty long and so I think it needs to be split up into 2 parts.
To be continued.....
He didn't fool everyone though. My sister, Jessica, could see right through him. When she came down to visit for my Grandpa's funeral, she was furious. She could tell exactly what kind of person he was. She was always really good at reading people and even when I was younger, I couldn't lie to her, because she could see right through it. She had this uncanny ability to know what I was up to at all times, no matter how hard I tried to hide it. I guess Derik thought he was charming the pants off her, but immediately after meeting him, she went to Mom and confronted her about it.
"Why are you letting him stay here, Mom? He is a grown man! Me and him are the same age and he is taking advantage of you and her! Why are you allowing this?!"
"Don't you dare say anything to her, Jessica!", Mom said. "I allow him to stay here because she would leave if he did. I don't like it either, but at least I know where she is and know she is safe."
By that time, Mom had seen Derik's true colors, even if I hadn't. She had asked him to begin paying rent if he was going to stay there and although he said he would, he gave her a little bit of money one time and that was it.
Mom also didn't like him anymore because she was certain that he terrorized her dogs. She came home one night from work and found her little dog Bailey stuck behind the washer. She had run behind it to get away from Derik, who I personally had seen scare the dogs before by stomping at them, and she had gotten stuck. My mom loves her dogs and that really pissed her off.
My Grandma Wilma was also not fooled. I remember the day that I introduced Derik to her. My grandma had to have surgery on her stomach and my mom, who had worked in wound care, brought her back to our house to care for her and change her bandages while she recovered. I brought Derik in to meet her and right before my eyes, he transformed into this slimy, car salesman type and tried to charm her. I remember watching this take place and thinking "Oh my gosh, look at how fake he is acting!" His whole demeanor changed, his facial expression changed, even his voice took on a different sound. It left a really bad taste in my mouth. Later I found out that Grandma took my mom aside after meeting him and told her "You need to watch that one. He's not what he seems. He's a snake."
Derik soon abandoned even the pretense of having or looking for a job. I paid for everything. We got a joint bank account, which was a huge mistake and he made way more withdrawals than deposits. He would buy something almost every single day, or tell me he was hungry and to go get us something to eat and when I would ask him for some money to pay for it, he would just look at me like I was crazy. I ALWAYS ended up footing the bill. Why did this always happen to me? Why did I always end up paying for everything? All I wanted was a self sufficient man who could take care of his own business. That's it. I didn't want him to buy me anything or take me places or pamper me like a princess. Love me and be a man. Simple.
Soon, I noticed that Derik was being gone from home for longer and longer periods of time. I knew he wasn't working, so I wanted to know where he had been. He told me that he was spending a lot of time at the studio working on his music.
........Wait.... what?
Let's rewind. I have to set the stage for this one. This is the thing that really extinguished my feelings for him; the beginning of the end, I should say.
Back when I was still dancing (and this was about a year ago now), Derik started talking about how he got picked up by a record label. Now don't get me wrong; I'm not trying to knock his singing. He could sing a little bit. He wasn't bad, but he wasn't great either. He only had one run that he could do really well and he was always a little too pitchy for my taste. I sing also, so I'm a pretty good judge on whether someone can sing or not. All in all, not a terrible singer, but mediocre at best. That's why I was suprised when he said that, but at the time, Derik could do no wrong in my eyes. I was excited for him. I encouraged him to let me listen to his music and in time, he brought me a CD. It was a plain CD with the title of his album scrawled across it in Sharpie and he told me he hadn't had labels printed up for it yet. Okay. Perfectly reasonable explanation.
So I listened to it, and it was good. Like, really REALLY good. It didn't quite sound like him, but that didn't phase me because artists generally use auto tune and other effects on their music to make it sound better. No big deal.
I started dancing to these songs. And when I quit dancing, I let friends and family listen to the CD and would brag about how awesome and talented my boyfriend was. So a year goes by, and during that year Derik would randomly disappear for hours and then tell me he had been at the studio. If you recall, I was used to this because my previous boyfriend spent hours and hours in the studio.
Then one day, when I was on my way home from work, one of the songs came on the radio! I was super excited because it was the first time I had heard one of them on the radio, but as I listened, I couldn't help but think that it just didn't sound like him. I had always thought that. So when the song ended, I called the radio station and asked the DJ who sang the song that was just played and he told me a famous R&B artist's name. I repeated it back to him, confused. Surely I had misheard. He said it again. I thanked him and hung up, shocked. Might I add that this famous R&B artist had the same initials as Derik.
I was furious! The realization hit me that he had been lying to not only me, but several people, for over a year. Then I felt foolish; I had been letting family and friends listen to this CD and telling them that it was my boyfriend. And where the heck had he been going when he said he was going to the "studio"? Was he cheating on me? Probably. Then I was incredulous. He was blatantly plagiarizing a famous artist's work. Are you serious?! This can't be real life.
By the time I got home, I had worked myself into a frenzy. I sat in my car for a few extra minutes to calm down and figure out how I was going to handle this. I couldn't let this one slide like I had the other lies. I knew he was lying to me about the car and his job and everything else, but I let it slide because I still cared about him. But this was too big, too involved to let go. I had to confront him.
I was pretty sick of being with Derik by this time. I felt like I had to constantly walk on eggshells around him. When I got home from work, I didn't know which Derik I was going to get; the kind, loving one, or the one who ignored me and when he did talk to me, made me feel like I had done something wrong and I had to guess what it was. Usually, when I got home, I just wouldn't speak to him until spoken to, so I knew which Derik I was dealing with. I felt like a prisoner in my own home. He literally gave me anxiety attacks sometimes.
I decided to give him a chance to confess.
I walked into the room like I didn't have a care in the world and said hello.
"Guess what, babe?"
"What?"
"I heard your song on the radio tonight on my way home from work!" Fake smile.
"Oh yeah? That's cool." he replied.
"Yeah. It's weird though," I said. "When the song was over, the DJ said that the song was by <insert famous singer's name here>. I wonder why that is?"
I kid you not, he said, "Oh yeah...well... our initials are the same, so that's a pretty common mistake. They say that all the time."
When he said that, I was just blown away. You mean to tell me that a DJ, whose job it is to know songs and the artists they are performed by, told me the wrong person? I don't think so.
I just said okay, and went to bed. Needless to say, when he tried to get some that night, I refused.
The next morning when I woke up, Derik was gone. I got up and called my friend Diamond and told her what happened. She was sympathetic.
"I hate to say I told you so, Crystal, but... I did. He is a habitual liar; he seriously cannot help himself. I told you when he did these same kind of things to me and you didn't believe me."
She was absolutely right. I didn't believe her and look where that got me. I should have listened. I would have been better off with Chris. He didn't work, but at least he never lied to me about it.
I'm going to go ahead and wrap this post up here. I'll cover the confrontation next time I write but this post is getting pretty long and so I think it needs to be split up into 2 parts.
To be continued.....
Monday, January 6, 2014
Lies, Lies and More Lies
Once Derik moved in, that's when we started to have some serious problems. I started to see what my friend Diamond had been talking about all those years ago when they were dating. I remember her telling me that anytime she had a problem and tried to bring it up to him, he would somehow turn it around and make her the bad guy in the situation. At the time, I wasn't sure if she was telling the truth or just being overly sensitive, because I loved Derik! I considered him one of my best friends and he was charming, so I didn't see where she was coming from, but now that I was in the same situation with him, I did see it.
And boy, I hated it.
He would do something that I didn't like, or say something mean to me and I would try to confront him and every single time, I would end up apologizing for what I did wrong, even if I wasn't in the wrong! I still to this day have no idea how he pulled that off. He was very, very manipulative and good with his words.
When we would go out, he would talk to me crazy around his friends. He would call me "bitch" a lot, which didn't bother me when we were just friends. After all, in the club, everyone calls each other bitch and hoe; its just a term of endearment there, but when we started dating, I expected that to stop. It didn't and when I tried to talk to him about it, he made it seem like I was making a mountain out of a mole hill.
He did extremely insensitive things sometimes, like he just truly didn't give a crap how I felt at any given moment. I remember one time specifically, his son had come into town and was staying with us at my mom's. I loved Derik's son. He was such a sweet kid and I truly enjoyed being around him. When he would come to visit, I would hang out with him during the day while Derik was at work and take him to lunch and play with him. I can honestly say that I enjoyed his company and you know what? I loved him because I loved his dad and that's what you do when you are dating someone who has a kid. You accept that child because that child is an extension of the person you love.
Anyway, his son was in town and we wanted to take him out to eat somewhere. I wasn't feeling too hot this day and I hadn't taken a shower, my hair was greasy, I wasn't wearing make up and I looked like total crap, but I just figured we were going to go to McDonald's to let him play in the play place or something like that. Then Derik suggests Hooters. I was shocked that he would even suggest that. I had just got done complaining about how ugly I felt and he suggests going somewhere where all the girls are beautiful and have full make-up on, with their perfect little bodies and big boobs and I was just like, really?! I actually started crying because I didn't want to go there that bad, which just made my eyes puff up and added to how crappy I looked, and he made me feel like a complete idiot and guess where we ended up eating? Hooters, where he proceeded to flirt with our waitress the whole time.
Also, remember when I said I loved this man's son simply because he was HIS family? Apparently the feeling wasn't mutual. When my grandfather died and my entire family came to visit for the funeral, he actually acted put out because we had to give up our room for a week and spent most of the week in our temporary room moping and not trying to interact with my family at all. Furthermore, he was offended that he couldn't attend my grandfather's funeral with me, because of the racism on that side of the family.
Okay, I understand that one a little bit. On my dad's side of the family, interracial dating just did not fly. I never have had a problem with it, but my dad's father grew up in a different time and although it was wrong, that's what he taught his children and that's what they taught their children. I don't agree, but there was absolutely no way that I was going to bring him to my racist grandfather's funeral. It would have been disrespectful and would have probably caused a big commotion and no one wants to deal with that at a funeral. I thought that he, being a grown man, would understand that it would cause more problems than it was worth, but no. He got mad at me and didn't really talk to me that entire week. It left a really bad taste in my family's mouth.
There were so many other bad things that I could go on and on about that was wrong with this relationship, but by far the worst thing was the lies. He lied to me about so many things that were just so unnecessary. I still don't know why. My best guess is that maybe he was insecure about himself, or didn't really ever know who he was, so he made things up to make himself sound better. He didn't have to do that though. I liked him before he told me all the lies. Or I guess I did. I'm not sure if I ever really knew who he was.
He told me that he played college football, but his mom said he hadn't played football since middle school. I even looked up the team roster for the year that he said he played as the star quarterback and his name isn't on the list.
One day after I realized he hadn't been going to work for about a week, I asked him why he was home. He said that his company (a major telecommunications company, by the way) went on strike and that he was working from home. There was absolutely nothing on the news about this company striking. He just lost his job and was trying to cover it up.
He bought a car and when it got repossessed, he told me that it was seized by the police in an investigation against the car lot that sold it to him. He said the car lot sold him a stolen car.
I had gotten my licence by this point and when my car was totaled, I bought a car from a "buy here, pay here" lot. They sell cars to people with bad or no credit and typically charge out of this world interest rates. Anyway, after Derik's car was repossessed, he tried to get a car at the same lot I got mine at. When I went to make a payment one day, they told me that they wouldn't sell him a car because he hadn't made ONE payment on the last one he bought, which was the one that he said was seized in an investigation.
I also have to add that Diamond and I had really drifted apart during this time. I knew that she would not approve of me dating Derik, so I hid it from her. She had moved away, had a couple babies and we still kept in contact, but everytime she got me on the phone, I would only talk to her for a couple of minutes because I felt like I was hiding something from her. Derik finally convinced me to tell her and so I did. She was disappointed, not because she was hurt that I was dating her ex, but because she knew what kind of person he was and she didn't want me to go through the same things that she did. But we reconciled and she told me she would be there for me when I needed her, because I eventually would.
And of course, she was right.
And boy, I hated it.
He would do something that I didn't like, or say something mean to me and I would try to confront him and every single time, I would end up apologizing for what I did wrong, even if I wasn't in the wrong! I still to this day have no idea how he pulled that off. He was very, very manipulative and good with his words.
When we would go out, he would talk to me crazy around his friends. He would call me "bitch" a lot, which didn't bother me when we were just friends. After all, in the club, everyone calls each other bitch and hoe; its just a term of endearment there, but when we started dating, I expected that to stop. It didn't and when I tried to talk to him about it, he made it seem like I was making a mountain out of a mole hill.
He did extremely insensitive things sometimes, like he just truly didn't give a crap how I felt at any given moment. I remember one time specifically, his son had come into town and was staying with us at my mom's. I loved Derik's son. He was such a sweet kid and I truly enjoyed being around him. When he would come to visit, I would hang out with him during the day while Derik was at work and take him to lunch and play with him. I can honestly say that I enjoyed his company and you know what? I loved him because I loved his dad and that's what you do when you are dating someone who has a kid. You accept that child because that child is an extension of the person you love.
Anyway, his son was in town and we wanted to take him out to eat somewhere. I wasn't feeling too hot this day and I hadn't taken a shower, my hair was greasy, I wasn't wearing make up and I looked like total crap, but I just figured we were going to go to McDonald's to let him play in the play place or something like that. Then Derik suggests Hooters. I was shocked that he would even suggest that. I had just got done complaining about how ugly I felt and he suggests going somewhere where all the girls are beautiful and have full make-up on, with their perfect little bodies and big boobs and I was just like, really?! I actually started crying because I didn't want to go there that bad, which just made my eyes puff up and added to how crappy I looked, and he made me feel like a complete idiot and guess where we ended up eating? Hooters, where he proceeded to flirt with our waitress the whole time.
Also, remember when I said I loved this man's son simply because he was HIS family? Apparently the feeling wasn't mutual. When my grandfather died and my entire family came to visit for the funeral, he actually acted put out because we had to give up our room for a week and spent most of the week in our temporary room moping and not trying to interact with my family at all. Furthermore, he was offended that he couldn't attend my grandfather's funeral with me, because of the racism on that side of the family.
Okay, I understand that one a little bit. On my dad's side of the family, interracial dating just did not fly. I never have had a problem with it, but my dad's father grew up in a different time and although it was wrong, that's what he taught his children and that's what they taught their children. I don't agree, but there was absolutely no way that I was going to bring him to my racist grandfather's funeral. It would have been disrespectful and would have probably caused a big commotion and no one wants to deal with that at a funeral. I thought that he, being a grown man, would understand that it would cause more problems than it was worth, but no. He got mad at me and didn't really talk to me that entire week. It left a really bad taste in my family's mouth.
There were so many other bad things that I could go on and on about that was wrong with this relationship, but by far the worst thing was the lies. He lied to me about so many things that were just so unnecessary. I still don't know why. My best guess is that maybe he was insecure about himself, or didn't really ever know who he was, so he made things up to make himself sound better. He didn't have to do that though. I liked him before he told me all the lies. Or I guess I did. I'm not sure if I ever really knew who he was.
He told me that he played college football, but his mom said he hadn't played football since middle school. I even looked up the team roster for the year that he said he played as the star quarterback and his name isn't on the list.
One day after I realized he hadn't been going to work for about a week, I asked him why he was home. He said that his company (a major telecommunications company, by the way) went on strike and that he was working from home. There was absolutely nothing on the news about this company striking. He just lost his job and was trying to cover it up.
He bought a car and when it got repossessed, he told me that it was seized by the police in an investigation against the car lot that sold it to him. He said the car lot sold him a stolen car.
I had gotten my licence by this point and when my car was totaled, I bought a car from a "buy here, pay here" lot. They sell cars to people with bad or no credit and typically charge out of this world interest rates. Anyway, after Derik's car was repossessed, he tried to get a car at the same lot I got mine at. When I went to make a payment one day, they told me that they wouldn't sell him a car because he hadn't made ONE payment on the last one he bought, which was the one that he said was seized in an investigation.
I also have to add that Diamond and I had really drifted apart during this time. I knew that she would not approve of me dating Derik, so I hid it from her. She had moved away, had a couple babies and we still kept in contact, but everytime she got me on the phone, I would only talk to her for a couple of minutes because I felt like I was hiding something from her. Derik finally convinced me to tell her and so I did. She was disappointed, not because she was hurt that I was dating her ex, but because she knew what kind of person he was and she didn't want me to go through the same things that she did. But we reconciled and she told me she would be there for me when I needed her, because I eventually would.
And of course, she was right.
Sunday, January 5, 2014
And It Begins.... Again.
Alright guys, I'm just going to jump right back in here. If you need to go back and read the post before last to remember where we are in the story, go right ahead. It might help you understand the order of things.
When Derik gave me this ultimatum of either him or the club, I was still living in the apartment with Chris and his friend Mike. I decided to quit dancing, but I needed a source of income, and quick, or else I was going to have a hard time. At the time, Mike was talking to this girl named Chelsea. Chelsea would come over to the apartment all the time and we would drink together and we really hit it off. She worked at Sonic and I knew that she made pretty decent money. Not nearly as much as I did on any given night, but as far as fast food goes, you can't really do much better.
She knew that I was trying to straighten my life out and so she told me that she would talk to her manager and see if she could get me a job. Turns out, he was willing to give me a chance and hired me without an application or an interview or anything. The day I started working there was when I filled out my application and talked to him the first time and I was just so grateful that he gave me a chance, especially because he knew my situation and knew what I used to do. I never felt judged by him and felt super comfortable working there. Sonic was a great transitional job for me, because I still made cash every day (which is what I was used to), but every couple of weeks I got a paycheck as well and that helped me to be a little more responsible with my money.
Up until this point, I never had a bank account. I always just kept my cash on me and never for very long, because I would spend it on stupid stuff. Drugs, alcohol, clothes.... anything materialistic. One of my biggest regrets is that for all the money I made over those 3 years that I was stripping, I have absolutely nothing to show for it. I basically threw it away on a man who was anything but thankful and on my own bad habits. I never even got my license or bought a car. Once I started working at Sonic, I still spent money on stupid crap. I still bought weed and cigarettes and liquor, but I also saved a little bit of it, which was a huge step for me.
I also kicked my coke habit. I am still pretty suprised at how easy it was for me to let it go. Once I wasn't at the club anymore, and it wasn't readily available to me, it was really easy just to let that addiction die. Make no mistake; I WAS addicted. I would go into the club every night swearing that I wouldn't buy any cocaine and by the end of the night I would have already bought 2 baggies of it. I felt powerless to stop it as long I was in that environment, but by the grace of God, when I wasn't around it anymore, I just didn't even miss it. That's not to say I didn't want it sometimes, but I was able to overcome that addiction pretty quickly.
I moved out of that apartment soon after I started working at Sonic. I talked about moving out in a previous post, so we won't go over that a second time. When I moved in with my mom again, I felt such freedom. I had lived with a man for 2 years prior to moving back in with her and it was so great to not have to answer to him anymore. Derik still lived far away at his friends house and although I was happy to be in a relationship with him, I was equally as happy to have some independence. I didn't want to play house anymore. I wanted to have a normal relationship where you date someone and see them a couple of times a week and then you go to your own separate houses. I am still a firm believer that living with a person before you get married is a relationship killer.
So Derik and I have been together now for a few months in a relationship that we didn't have to hide and things were going about as well as could be expected considering how weird our relationship had been up to this point. He would come see me at my mom's as much as he could since I still wasn't driving. I had already introduced him to my mom when she used to drop me off at the club and she seemed to like him, so when I told her that we were dating, she was ok with that. She was just relieved that I wasn't dancing anymore and I think she may have given him credit for that. That was okay with me! He WAS the reason I quit dancing and if that made her like him more, that was fine too. I wanted my mom to like my boyfriend; she had hated the previous ones.
In my mind, everything was going great. I had a real job, a life that was independent of my boyfriend, and new friends. I was happy, or so I thought. Then one phone call changed everything.
Derik called me one day and we were talking and I noticed that he sounded kind of down, so I asked him what was wrong.
"Dean's house has gone into forclosure and I have to move out. I don't have anywhere to go."
"Okay..... Are you sure you have no friends that you can stay with until you can get your own place?"
I didn't know at this point that he had already made the circuit of all his friends houses and had been kicked out of every one for not paying rent, nor did I know that his credit history was probably destroyed from previously losing his own house and that he would not be able to get his own place. I, the ever helpful girlfriend, just wanted to fix it for him. I didn't want him to move in with me, but I just HAD to fix it. That was my pattern; taking care of grown men who should have been able to take care of their own problems.
"Well, okay," I said. "I'll talk to my mom and see if you can stay here for a couple of weeks, just until you can get some money saved up for your own place."
I hung up and went to talk to my mom. My mom also has a pattern of taking people in. For my entire life, our house had been a revolving door of people coming in and out: my sister's friends, Nancy's son, Nancy's son's friends, my sister, my sister's baby daddy.... you name it. If they vaguely knew us at all, they lived at my mom's house at some point. So when I asked Mom, she of course said yes. That's just how she is. She loves to help, but she can also be taken advantage of pretty easily and I am my mother's daughter. I called Derik back and we made plans for him to move in, but only temporarily!!!
He was supposed to stay for 3 weeks and ended up staying for a year and a half. During that time he never paid rent, even though he was asked to and later I found out that Dean's house was never in forclosure. He just kicked Derik out for not paying rent after he lived there for several months.
When Derik gave me this ultimatum of either him or the club, I was still living in the apartment with Chris and his friend Mike. I decided to quit dancing, but I needed a source of income, and quick, or else I was going to have a hard time. At the time, Mike was talking to this girl named Chelsea. Chelsea would come over to the apartment all the time and we would drink together and we really hit it off. She worked at Sonic and I knew that she made pretty decent money. Not nearly as much as I did on any given night, but as far as fast food goes, you can't really do much better.
She knew that I was trying to straighten my life out and so she told me that she would talk to her manager and see if she could get me a job. Turns out, he was willing to give me a chance and hired me without an application or an interview or anything. The day I started working there was when I filled out my application and talked to him the first time and I was just so grateful that he gave me a chance, especially because he knew my situation and knew what I used to do. I never felt judged by him and felt super comfortable working there. Sonic was a great transitional job for me, because I still made cash every day (which is what I was used to), but every couple of weeks I got a paycheck as well and that helped me to be a little more responsible with my money.
Up until this point, I never had a bank account. I always just kept my cash on me and never for very long, because I would spend it on stupid stuff. Drugs, alcohol, clothes.... anything materialistic. One of my biggest regrets is that for all the money I made over those 3 years that I was stripping, I have absolutely nothing to show for it. I basically threw it away on a man who was anything but thankful and on my own bad habits. I never even got my license or bought a car. Once I started working at Sonic, I still spent money on stupid crap. I still bought weed and cigarettes and liquor, but I also saved a little bit of it, which was a huge step for me.
I also kicked my coke habit. I am still pretty suprised at how easy it was for me to let it go. Once I wasn't at the club anymore, and it wasn't readily available to me, it was really easy just to let that addiction die. Make no mistake; I WAS addicted. I would go into the club every night swearing that I wouldn't buy any cocaine and by the end of the night I would have already bought 2 baggies of it. I felt powerless to stop it as long I was in that environment, but by the grace of God, when I wasn't around it anymore, I just didn't even miss it. That's not to say I didn't want it sometimes, but I was able to overcome that addiction pretty quickly.
I moved out of that apartment soon after I started working at Sonic. I talked about moving out in a previous post, so we won't go over that a second time. When I moved in with my mom again, I felt such freedom. I had lived with a man for 2 years prior to moving back in with her and it was so great to not have to answer to him anymore. Derik still lived far away at his friends house and although I was happy to be in a relationship with him, I was equally as happy to have some independence. I didn't want to play house anymore. I wanted to have a normal relationship where you date someone and see them a couple of times a week and then you go to your own separate houses. I am still a firm believer that living with a person before you get married is a relationship killer.
So Derik and I have been together now for a few months in a relationship that we didn't have to hide and things were going about as well as could be expected considering how weird our relationship had been up to this point. He would come see me at my mom's as much as he could since I still wasn't driving. I had already introduced him to my mom when she used to drop me off at the club and she seemed to like him, so when I told her that we were dating, she was ok with that. She was just relieved that I wasn't dancing anymore and I think she may have given him credit for that. That was okay with me! He WAS the reason I quit dancing and if that made her like him more, that was fine too. I wanted my mom to like my boyfriend; she had hated the previous ones.
In my mind, everything was going great. I had a real job, a life that was independent of my boyfriend, and new friends. I was happy, or so I thought. Then one phone call changed everything.
Derik called me one day and we were talking and I noticed that he sounded kind of down, so I asked him what was wrong.
"Dean's house has gone into forclosure and I have to move out. I don't have anywhere to go."
"Okay..... Are you sure you have no friends that you can stay with until you can get your own place?"
I didn't know at this point that he had already made the circuit of all his friends houses and had been kicked out of every one for not paying rent, nor did I know that his credit history was probably destroyed from previously losing his own house and that he would not be able to get his own place. I, the ever helpful girlfriend, just wanted to fix it for him. I didn't want him to move in with me, but I just HAD to fix it. That was my pattern; taking care of grown men who should have been able to take care of their own problems.
"Well, okay," I said. "I'll talk to my mom and see if you can stay here for a couple of weeks, just until you can get some money saved up for your own place."
I hung up and went to talk to my mom. My mom also has a pattern of taking people in. For my entire life, our house had been a revolving door of people coming in and out: my sister's friends, Nancy's son, Nancy's son's friends, my sister, my sister's baby daddy.... you name it. If they vaguely knew us at all, they lived at my mom's house at some point. So when I asked Mom, she of course said yes. That's just how she is. She loves to help, but she can also be taken advantage of pretty easily and I am my mother's daughter. I called Derik back and we made plans for him to move in, but only temporarily!!!
He was supposed to stay for 3 weeks and ended up staying for a year and a half. During that time he never paid rent, even though he was asked to and later I found out that Dean's house was never in forclosure. He just kicked Derik out for not paying rent after he lived there for several months.
Saturday, January 4, 2014
I'm Back!!!
Hey everyone!!!
As the title suggests, I'm back. It's a new year and one of my resolutions is to Finish This Story!!!! I don't have many followers, but those of you who do follow, thank you for your interest and I am very sorry that I dropped the ball. I had a baby, got really busy, lost access to this account for God knows how long and I recovered the password and everything a couple months ago, got busy again and didn't start it back up.
But now.... I'm ready to start writing again.
A lot has happened since I last wrote. My baby is not such a baby anymore; he is closing in on 2 years old and that is just crazy. Me and hubs made a big move, but its a temporary one and I would rather not go into detail about that. You never know who is reading! I am pregnant AGAIN, and this little one is a boy as well and is due in May just like his big brother. I will be having a natural water birth at a birth center this time and we are anxiously awaiting baby number two's arrival. Also, (and this is a big thing) I have forgiven a certain person from my past that I didn't think I would ever be able to forgive. That's right. The infamous Derik. I admittedly had some unresolved bitterness that I have carried for years and if you recall, I admitted that in one of my posts. I had a bad habit of bad mouthing him every time someone would bring his name up around me and although I felt at the time that I was justified, I was absolutely in the wrong. As a christian woman, that is unacceptable.
Everything came to a head when on a visit to my hometown, I hung out with a mutual friend of ours and when his name came up, I started getting a little mouthy. He heard about what I said and decided to contact me through another mutual friend since I have him blocked on FB and he has no way to contact me directly. I read his letter and although it was rather passive aggressive and he had some choice words about this blog, he was right about one thing: I did need to stop bad mouthing him because it has been a long time. I wrote back a response right away, but did not send it, because I needed some time to think. I thought about it and prayed about it and I felt like God was telling me, it's time. Forgive him.
So I did.
I prayed and asked God to forgive me for the unforgiveness in my own heart and then I wrote him back and told him that I was sorry and that I would never talk bad about him again. I told him that I forgave him for the way he treated me and asked him to forgive me for the way I talked about him. I washed my hands of the old hurts that relationship caused me and let God heal those places in me that I would not allow him to touch before because the wounds were just too raw.
I have never felt more free.
I feel as if the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders and that I have FINALLY closed the door on that part of my life. I didn't realize that my unforgiveness was what was keeping me from going deeper in my walk with God or that it was holding me back from my ability to enter into worship freely with him. But that's what it was and now that it's gone, I can really see a difference.
That does not mean, however, that I will be deleting a whole section of my life from this blog. I still feel that the entire story needs to be told, but I will be telling it from a place of compassion instead of a place of bitterness. The truth is still the truth, regardless of how my attitude towards it may have changed.
Stay tuned and God bless. :)
As the title suggests, I'm back. It's a new year and one of my resolutions is to Finish This Story!!!! I don't have many followers, but those of you who do follow, thank you for your interest and I am very sorry that I dropped the ball. I had a baby, got really busy, lost access to this account for God knows how long and I recovered the password and everything a couple months ago, got busy again and didn't start it back up.
But now.... I'm ready to start writing again.
A lot has happened since I last wrote. My baby is not such a baby anymore; he is closing in on 2 years old and that is just crazy. Me and hubs made a big move, but its a temporary one and I would rather not go into detail about that. You never know who is reading! I am pregnant AGAIN, and this little one is a boy as well and is due in May just like his big brother. I will be having a natural water birth at a birth center this time and we are anxiously awaiting baby number two's arrival. Also, (and this is a big thing) I have forgiven a certain person from my past that I didn't think I would ever be able to forgive. That's right. The infamous Derik. I admittedly had some unresolved bitterness that I have carried for years and if you recall, I admitted that in one of my posts. I had a bad habit of bad mouthing him every time someone would bring his name up around me and although I felt at the time that I was justified, I was absolutely in the wrong. As a christian woman, that is unacceptable.
Everything came to a head when on a visit to my hometown, I hung out with a mutual friend of ours and when his name came up, I started getting a little mouthy. He heard about what I said and decided to contact me through another mutual friend since I have him blocked on FB and he has no way to contact me directly. I read his letter and although it was rather passive aggressive and he had some choice words about this blog, he was right about one thing: I did need to stop bad mouthing him because it has been a long time. I wrote back a response right away, but did not send it, because I needed some time to think. I thought about it and prayed about it and I felt like God was telling me, it's time. Forgive him.
So I did.
I prayed and asked God to forgive me for the unforgiveness in my own heart and then I wrote him back and told him that I was sorry and that I would never talk bad about him again. I told him that I forgave him for the way he treated me and asked him to forgive me for the way I talked about him. I washed my hands of the old hurts that relationship caused me and let God heal those places in me that I would not allow him to touch before because the wounds were just too raw.
I have never felt more free.
I feel as if the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders and that I have FINALLY closed the door on that part of my life. I didn't realize that my unforgiveness was what was keeping me from going deeper in my walk with God or that it was holding me back from my ability to enter into worship freely with him. But that's what it was and now that it's gone, I can really see a difference.
That does not mean, however, that I will be deleting a whole section of my life from this blog. I still feel that the entire story needs to be told, but I will be telling it from a place of compassion instead of a place of bitterness. The truth is still the truth, regardless of how my attitude towards it may have changed.
Stay tuned and God bless. :)
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
The Ultimatum
Hello everyone!!! Well, its been over 2 months now since I have written anything, and this is the reason why:
This is my son! Camden Lee Hatcher, born on May 11, 2012. He weighed 8 lbs 3 oz and was 21 inches long. Tomorrow, he will be 2 months old, and man, how the time has flown... I've been a bit busy with him and that is why I have not been posting. We've settled into a bit of a groove now, and so, I WILL finish my story!!!
So, in my last post, I left off talking about moving out of my apartment that I shared with Chris for 2 years, but I forgot to mention one key piece of information.
Before I moved out, I was dating Derik and still working in the strip club. One horrible night pretty soon after Chris and I broke up, I went to work and got wasted... I mean... seriously wasted. I was also all coked up and didn't have an ounce of sense left in me. I had made a lot of money that night, and usually I would keep my money in a garter belt secured around my foot so that my money was on me at all times. I had a pretty good chunk of cash around my foot, and it was getting so big that it wasn't staying on very well. So, I took about half of it, and gave it to the door girl to hold for me. She was one of the people I trusted to hold my money and not steal any of it, so I gave it to her to hold, so that if I got too wasted, I wouldn't lose it.
Well, I got so messed up that I forgot that I had given it to her, and upon counting my money later in the night, I thought that someone had stolen it.
I started acting a fool, accusing people of stealing from me, including my good friend Dillema and just generally raising hell. Dillema was super mad about the whole deal, because she had been accused of stealing before and felt like I was dragging her name through the dirt. I was drunk and couldn't control my anger and Derik, who was a bouncer at that time, and I got into a knock down, drag out fight. You got to remember, bouncers and dancers were not supposed to date, and then way we were fighting, it was obvious that we were a couple.
I don't really remember the rest of the night. I don't even remember getting home. I just remember waking up the next morning in my apartment (never having recovered my money) and thinking "Oh no.... what did I do?" I knew I had caused a big scene, but I couldn't remember exactly what had happened. I didn't have a cell phone, so I went to the apartment's office building and used the phone to call Derik.
He was not too happy to hear from me. I could tell he was mad as soon as he picked up the phone. He asked me if I knew what had happened last night, and I told him no. Then he told me that I had got him fired, and I had better get him his job back. I freaked out!! You got to understand, I was scared of this man. He had never laid a hand on me, but I didn't put it past him. He was capable of doing something like that, and those kind of veiled threats, the "you better fix it or else" kind, scared me and filled me with a great deal of anxiety.
So, I called the GM of the club, which I knew wasn't going to work before I even placed the call. The GM hated Derik, saw through all the bullcrap when it came to him, and was just looking for a reason to fire him, even before I came along. I just gave him the ammo he needed. So, it was no suprise to me when he told me he would not give him his job back. I got off the phone and just cried, because I messed up so bad this time, I couldn't fix it and I just knew that it was over between Derik and I.
I called Derik back and told him that I tried, but I couldn't get him his job back. I was so, so sorry....
"Well, what are you gonna do?", he asked me.
"I guess I'm just gonna quit. I don't want to go back there after all I did." , I answered.
"So, what you're telling me is that you just turned that whole place upside down, accused your friends of stealing from you and got me fired, and your just gonna run away? You're a coward!"
"Well, what about me and you?"
"I don't know.... I'll have to decide if I even still want you."
And then he hung up on me. I was so hurt; I cried and cried. But I had brought this on myself. I deserved this. All day, I agonized over what had happened, but I was no coward, so that night I went back to work.
Have you ever walked into a room and just instantly felt hated? That's how I felt walking into the club that night. The door girl came up to me as soon as I got there, slapped a wad of money in my hand and said "You gave this to me last night. Remember?" and walked away. Of course I didn't remember. I felt like such an idiot.
I went to the dressing room and everyone looked at me like I was scum. No one spoke to me as I got dressed and then I went to the bar and sat down. All night. I didn't drink, I only moved to go on stage when it was my turn. I didn't do any table dances. I just sat by myself all night, waiting for ANYONE to come up to me and tell me its okay, it'll blow over... but no one did. I was miserable, but I WAS NOT A COWARD and I wasn't going to run away just because I made a fool out of myself. That night I went home with only about 50 dollars, but I felt okay. I had faced the consequences of my actions.
Things got better after that. Everyday people would start talking to me again. Dillema forgave me, but I didn't know if Derik would.
I talked to him again about a week after that happened. He told me that he still wanted to be with me, but things had to change, and he gave me an ultimatum.
It was either him or the club.
I chose him. It was the ONLY good thing that came out of our relationship. I quit that day, and have never danced at that club again.
This is my son! Camden Lee Hatcher, born on May 11, 2012. He weighed 8 lbs 3 oz and was 21 inches long. Tomorrow, he will be 2 months old, and man, how the time has flown... I've been a bit busy with him and that is why I have not been posting. We've settled into a bit of a groove now, and so, I WILL finish my story!!!
So, in my last post, I left off talking about moving out of my apartment that I shared with Chris for 2 years, but I forgot to mention one key piece of information.
Before I moved out, I was dating Derik and still working in the strip club. One horrible night pretty soon after Chris and I broke up, I went to work and got wasted... I mean... seriously wasted. I was also all coked up and didn't have an ounce of sense left in me. I had made a lot of money that night, and usually I would keep my money in a garter belt secured around my foot so that my money was on me at all times. I had a pretty good chunk of cash around my foot, and it was getting so big that it wasn't staying on very well. So, I took about half of it, and gave it to the door girl to hold for me. She was one of the people I trusted to hold my money and not steal any of it, so I gave it to her to hold, so that if I got too wasted, I wouldn't lose it.
Well, I got so messed up that I forgot that I had given it to her, and upon counting my money later in the night, I thought that someone had stolen it.
I started acting a fool, accusing people of stealing from me, including my good friend Dillema and just generally raising hell. Dillema was super mad about the whole deal, because she had been accused of stealing before and felt like I was dragging her name through the dirt. I was drunk and couldn't control my anger and Derik, who was a bouncer at that time, and I got into a knock down, drag out fight. You got to remember, bouncers and dancers were not supposed to date, and then way we were fighting, it was obvious that we were a couple.
I don't really remember the rest of the night. I don't even remember getting home. I just remember waking up the next morning in my apartment (never having recovered my money) and thinking "Oh no.... what did I do?" I knew I had caused a big scene, but I couldn't remember exactly what had happened. I didn't have a cell phone, so I went to the apartment's office building and used the phone to call Derik.
He was not too happy to hear from me. I could tell he was mad as soon as he picked up the phone. He asked me if I knew what had happened last night, and I told him no. Then he told me that I had got him fired, and I had better get him his job back. I freaked out!! You got to understand, I was scared of this man. He had never laid a hand on me, but I didn't put it past him. He was capable of doing something like that, and those kind of veiled threats, the "you better fix it or else" kind, scared me and filled me with a great deal of anxiety.
So, I called the GM of the club, which I knew wasn't going to work before I even placed the call. The GM hated Derik, saw through all the bullcrap when it came to him, and was just looking for a reason to fire him, even before I came along. I just gave him the ammo he needed. So, it was no suprise to me when he told me he would not give him his job back. I got off the phone and just cried, because I messed up so bad this time, I couldn't fix it and I just knew that it was over between Derik and I.
I called Derik back and told him that I tried, but I couldn't get him his job back. I was so, so sorry....
"Well, what are you gonna do?", he asked me.
"I guess I'm just gonna quit. I don't want to go back there after all I did." , I answered.
"So, what you're telling me is that you just turned that whole place upside down, accused your friends of stealing from you and got me fired, and your just gonna run away? You're a coward!"
"Well, what about me and you?"
"I don't know.... I'll have to decide if I even still want you."
And then he hung up on me. I was so hurt; I cried and cried. But I had brought this on myself. I deserved this. All day, I agonized over what had happened, but I was no coward, so that night I went back to work.
Have you ever walked into a room and just instantly felt hated? That's how I felt walking into the club that night. The door girl came up to me as soon as I got there, slapped a wad of money in my hand and said "You gave this to me last night. Remember?" and walked away. Of course I didn't remember. I felt like such an idiot.
I went to the dressing room and everyone looked at me like I was scum. No one spoke to me as I got dressed and then I went to the bar and sat down. All night. I didn't drink, I only moved to go on stage when it was my turn. I didn't do any table dances. I just sat by myself all night, waiting for ANYONE to come up to me and tell me its okay, it'll blow over... but no one did. I was miserable, but I WAS NOT A COWARD and I wasn't going to run away just because I made a fool out of myself. That night I went home with only about 50 dollars, but I felt okay. I had faced the consequences of my actions.
Things got better after that. Everyday people would start talking to me again. Dillema forgave me, but I didn't know if Derik would.
I talked to him again about a week after that happened. He told me that he still wanted to be with me, but things had to change, and he gave me an ultimatum.
It was either him or the club.
I chose him. It was the ONLY good thing that came out of our relationship. I quit that day, and have never danced at that club again.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
The Final Goodbye
After my birthday, things went smoothly with me and Derik for awhile. I moved out of the apartment that I was still sharing with Chris and into my mom's house again. I left the apartment after making an agreement with Chris and Mike that they would take over the rent payments until the lease was up, and then it wouldn't be my problem anymore. The problem was, Chris still didn't have a job, and Mike wasn't making enough to pay the bills.
So a month went by, and I got a call from the apartment complex telling me that rent hadn't been paid, and when was I going to be able to pay it? I called Chris and asked if he was going to pay it, and he said that he didn't have it (which didn't come as a surprise to me) and so I told him to pack his stuff and he needed to be out the next day. I went over to the apartment the next day to make sure that he was packing and he was... but he was furious with me. He was cussing me out while I supervised his packing, and even threw a couple of large books my way... he only stopped throwing stuff when I threatened to call the police. I felt bad about kicking him out, but I had taken care of this man for 2 years! And even after breaking up with him, I was still trying to make sure he was going to be okay by letting him stay in my apartment! Once he started throwing stuff at me, I snapped. I told him what a piece of crap he was and that he wasn't my problem anymore and left.
The following week, I went back to the apartment to make sure everything was out... and it was... except that when he left, he didn't lock the door. It was apparent by the large pile of poo in the middle of the floor that someone had been in there since he left. It stunk and was trashed and I had to clean it. I called him and was furious, thinking that he, or one of his friends, who all hated me now, had taken a dump in the middle of the floor as a kind of parting gift. He swore up and down that he had no part in the trashing of the apartment and agreed to come help me clean up. To this day, I still don't know if it was dog poo, or human poo, but I made him clean it up, since he is the one who left the door unlocked.
We spent the entire day cleaning out the apartment, which would have been much easier had the electricity still been on. He bleached and windexed everything, while I swept the entire carpet floor since I couldn't use a vacuum cleaner. After hours of this, it looked about as good as it was going to, and I was confident that I wouldn't be charged a ton of money for clean up, on top of having to break my lease. I still ended up having to pay around $2000 dollars to the apartment complex for breaking the lease plus damages.When we were done, we stepped out on the patio we had shared, and smoked one last blunt there together "for old time's sake". It was a bittersweet kind of goodbye, and after I went home, I cried one last time over the loss of our relationship.
I feel like I need to put a little disclaimer in the story right about now, and I'm going to be completely honest and real with everyone who is reading. This next part of my story is all about the relationship I had with Derik. I DON'T like this man. I think he is a manipulative, horrible person and just about as fake as anyone could possibly be. That being said, I did not write this entire blog as a roundabout way to drag his name through the dirt. He is not the main character; rather, he plays a very small part in a story about me. Yes, I will be talking about some of the things he did, and lied about, and put me through, and once again, this is not to bash him, or make him look bad. It's more or less to illustrate what I was willing to deal with because I didn't think I deserved better. If anything I write portrays him in a less than flattering light, well, that's not my intention. I'm only going to write the truth, because no matter how hard a pill it is for me to swallow, Jesus loves Derik just as much as he loves everyone else and died for him just as much as he died for me. I will try to be as objective and kind as possible, but if a bit of bitterness comes through from time to time, just know that I am trying.
I'll write again as soon as possible. I'm going to have a baby any day now, so it might be awhile. Pray for me!!
So a month went by, and I got a call from the apartment complex telling me that rent hadn't been paid, and when was I going to be able to pay it? I called Chris and asked if he was going to pay it, and he said that he didn't have it (which didn't come as a surprise to me) and so I told him to pack his stuff and he needed to be out the next day. I went over to the apartment the next day to make sure that he was packing and he was... but he was furious with me. He was cussing me out while I supervised his packing, and even threw a couple of large books my way... he only stopped throwing stuff when I threatened to call the police. I felt bad about kicking him out, but I had taken care of this man for 2 years! And even after breaking up with him, I was still trying to make sure he was going to be okay by letting him stay in my apartment! Once he started throwing stuff at me, I snapped. I told him what a piece of crap he was and that he wasn't my problem anymore and left.
The following week, I went back to the apartment to make sure everything was out... and it was... except that when he left, he didn't lock the door. It was apparent by the large pile of poo in the middle of the floor that someone had been in there since he left. It stunk and was trashed and I had to clean it. I called him and was furious, thinking that he, or one of his friends, who all hated me now, had taken a dump in the middle of the floor as a kind of parting gift. He swore up and down that he had no part in the trashing of the apartment and agreed to come help me clean up. To this day, I still don't know if it was dog poo, or human poo, but I made him clean it up, since he is the one who left the door unlocked.
We spent the entire day cleaning out the apartment, which would have been much easier had the electricity still been on. He bleached and windexed everything, while I swept the entire carpet floor since I couldn't use a vacuum cleaner. After hours of this, it looked about as good as it was going to, and I was confident that I wouldn't be charged a ton of money for clean up, on top of having to break my lease. I still ended up having to pay around $2000 dollars to the apartment complex for breaking the lease plus damages.When we were done, we stepped out on the patio we had shared, and smoked one last blunt there together "for old time's sake". It was a bittersweet kind of goodbye, and after I went home, I cried one last time over the loss of our relationship.
I feel like I need to put a little disclaimer in the story right about now, and I'm going to be completely honest and real with everyone who is reading. This next part of my story is all about the relationship I had with Derik. I DON'T like this man. I think he is a manipulative, horrible person and just about as fake as anyone could possibly be. That being said, I did not write this entire blog as a roundabout way to drag his name through the dirt. He is not the main character; rather, he plays a very small part in a story about me. Yes, I will be talking about some of the things he did, and lied about, and put me through, and once again, this is not to bash him, or make him look bad. It's more or less to illustrate what I was willing to deal with because I didn't think I deserved better. If anything I write portrays him in a less than flattering light, well, that's not my intention. I'm only going to write the truth, because no matter how hard a pill it is for me to swallow, Jesus loves Derik just as much as he loves everyone else and died for him just as much as he died for me. I will try to be as objective and kind as possible, but if a bit of bitterness comes through from time to time, just know that I am trying.
I'll write again as soon as possible. I'm going to have a baby any day now, so it might be awhile. Pray for me!!
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