The Ultimatum

Hello everyone!!! Well, its been over 2 months now since I have written anything, and this is the reason why:

This is my son! Camden Lee Hatcher, born on May 11, 2012. He weighed 8 lbs 3 oz and was 21 inches long. Tomorrow, he will be 2 months old, and man, how the time has flown... I've been a bit busy with him and that is why I have not been posting. We've settled into a bit of a groove now, and so, I WILL finish my story!!!

So, in my last post, I left off talking about moving out of my apartment that I shared with Chris for 2 years, but I forgot to mention one key piece of information.

Before I moved out, I was dating Derik and still working in the strip club. One horrible night pretty soon after  Chris and I broke up, I went to work and got wasted... I mean... seriously wasted. I was also all coked up and didn't have an ounce of sense left in me. I had made a lot of money that night, and usually I would keep my money in a garter belt secured around my foot so that my money was on me at all times. I had a pretty good chunk of cash around my foot, and it was getting so big that it wasn't staying on very well. So, I took about half of it, and gave it to the door girl to hold for me. She was one of the people I trusted to hold my money and not steal any of it, so I gave it to her to hold, so that if I got too wasted, I wouldn't lose it.

Well, I got so messed up that I forgot that I had given it to her, and upon counting my money later in the night, I thought that someone had stolen it.

I started acting a fool, accusing people of stealing from me, including my good friend Dillema and just generally raising hell. Dillema was super mad about the whole deal, because she had been accused of stealing before and felt like I was dragging her name through the dirt. I was drunk and couldn't control my anger and Derik, who was a bouncer at that time, and I got into a knock down, drag out fight. You got to remember, bouncers and dancers were not supposed to date, and then way we were fighting, it was obvious that we were a couple.

I don't really remember the rest of the night. I don't even remember getting home. I just remember waking up the next morning in my apartment (never having recovered my money) and thinking "Oh no.... what did I do?" I knew I had caused a big scene, but I couldn't remember exactly what had happened. I didn't have a cell phone, so I went to the apartment's office building and used the phone to call Derik.

He was not too happy to hear from me. I could tell he was mad as soon as he picked up the phone. He asked me if I knew what had happened last night, and I told him no. Then he told me that I had got him fired, and I had better get him his job back. I freaked out!! You got to understand, I was scared of this man. He had never laid a hand on me, but I didn't put it past him. He was capable of doing something like that, and those kind of veiled threats, the "you better fix it or else" kind, scared me and filled me with a great deal of anxiety.

So, I called the GM of the club, which I knew wasn't going to work before I even placed the call. The GM hated Derik, saw through all the bullcrap when it came to him, and was just looking for a reason to fire him, even before I came along. I just gave him the ammo he needed. So, it was no suprise to me when he told me he would not give him his job back. I got off the phone and just cried, because I messed up so bad this time, I couldn't fix it and I just knew that it was over between Derik and I.

I called Derik back and told him that I tried, but I couldn't get him his job back. I was so, so sorry....

"Well, what are you gonna do?", he asked me.
"I guess I'm just gonna quit. I don't want to go back there after all I did." , I answered.
"So, what you're telling me is that you just turned that whole place upside down, accused your friends of stealing from you and got me fired, and your just gonna run away? You're a coward!"
"Well, what about me and you?"
"I don't know.... I'll have to decide if I even still want you."

And then he hung up on me. I was so hurt; I cried and cried. But I had brought this on myself. I deserved this. All day, I agonized over what had happened, but I was no coward, so that night I went back to work.

Have you ever walked into a room and just instantly felt hated? That's how I felt walking into the club that night. The door girl came up to me as soon as I got there, slapped a wad of money in my hand and said "You gave this to me last night. Remember?" and walked away. Of course I didn't remember. I felt like such an idiot.

I went to the dressing room and everyone looked at me like I was scum. No one spoke to me as I got dressed and then I went to the bar and sat down. All night. I didn't drink, I only moved to go on stage when it was my turn. I didn't do any table dances. I just sat by myself all night, waiting for ANYONE to come up to me and tell me its okay, it'll blow over... but no one did. I was miserable, but I WAS NOT A COWARD and I wasn't going to run away just because I made a fool out of myself. That night I went home with only about 50 dollars, but I felt okay. I had faced the consequences of my actions.

Things got better after that. Everyday people would start talking to me again. Dillema forgave me, but I didn't know if Derik would.

I talked to him again about a week after that happened. He told me that he still wanted to be with me, but things had to change, and he gave me an ultimatum.

It was either him or the club.

I chose him. It was the ONLY good thing that came out of our relationship. I quit that day, and have never danced at that club again.