Dealing with Divorce

I would like to start this post by saying that I love my family. They mean the world to me, and I respect and honor them. Are they perfect? HECK NO!!! But they have loved me through everything, and even though some of the things I will write may cast them in a bad light, that is who they were, not who they are now. God has done a work in both of my parents and siblings lives and my parents are taking active steps towards healing and I love them regardless of the decisions they have made.

My siblings Michelle (top right), Jessica (middle), Andrea (top left), Cliff (bottom left) and that's me there in the middle with the dark hair. The guy making the weird face is NO relation.

My dad and mom with my sisters in the middle

That being said, my last post left off with the drama at the family reunion. I was very young, so I only remember bits and pieces of the following months... even years after the split. I know there was a divorce at some point. I remember being pulled out of class once a week at my elementary school to go talk to the counselor about my parents splitting. I remember riding my bike to my Dad's apartment because I desperately wanted to see him. I remember the old grey recliner my dad used to sit in when he watched Star Trek. If I was lucky, and he was in a good mood, I was allowed to climb up into that chair with my dad and curl up around his big ol' beer belly. I always felt so safe, and I would doze off sometimes, and he would say "Now, Crystal, are you falling asleep?" and I would always say "No Daddy! I'm just resting my eyes." After he left, I would crawl into that recliner and curl up and cry. Mom would ask me what was wrong, but she knew. She would bring me M&Ms home from work to make me feel better, and it worked temporarily, but sugar is no replacement for a missing father.

I also remember my family falling apart. My big brother Cliff, God bless his soul, dealt with it by diving head first into religion, which is better than what the rest of us dove into. It was on his shoulders to be the man of the house, and that is a HUGE responsibility for a teenager. But I will say, he did the best job he could. I still have a lot of warm memories about my brother. He used to tell me these long, elaborate stories about Barbie and Ken before I went to bed. And Christmastime was the best! He would take me on a walk around the neighborhood every Christmas Eve to look at the lights, since we never had any, and then when I was so excited about Santa Claus coming that I couldn't sleep, he would let me sleep in his room with him and rub my forehead until I drifted off. He couldn't replace my father, but he tried, and I am forever grateful for those memories.

My sister Jessica moved out at some point. I don't really remember what was going on with her at that time, other than the fact that she was in high school, and did a lot of musicals and choir things. She always had the most amazing voice, and I hoped one day I would be as cool as her.

My sister Andrea immersed herself in her friends. They were not the kind of friends anyone wants their daughter to be around, and eventually she started getting into a ton of trouble. That is her story to tell, but with my mom working 3 jobs to support her 4 kids, there was not a lot of supervision going on in that household. Jessica was gone, Cliff was locking himself away in his room to get away from the craziness, and I was just trying not to get beat up by Andrea or her friends.

Now, Andrea is a God-fearing Christian woman now and I admire her so much, but unfortunately, she wasn't always that way and man, I wanted to BE her, even though I feared her. She was beautiful, the boys liked her, she had a hot body and cool clothes and she did whatever she wanted! But she was deeply affected by the divorce, and quite frankly, she treated me like crap. She forced me to drink liquor, smoke cigarettes, stay up late and sing to her and her friends for entertainment and she was just plain mean to me. I don't hold any of this against her. She knows that she was awful to me, but I forgave her and it never mattered to me. During this time, she was using drugs pretty heavily and I remember her telling me "This is what life is all about. This is fun." and I believed her.

I only tell this story about Andrea to prove that you have to be careful about what you speak into peoples lives. She was not intentionally speaking evil into my life, and it didn't manifest for many years, but words are powerful people! YOU NEED TO WATCH WHAT YOU SAY TO PEOPLE!!! You never know how your words will affect someone years from now. Her words affected me.

Tomorrow.... I don't know what I will write about tomorrow. I'm just kind of letting God lead me in this.... so... be sure to follow me.... in the bottom right corner you can subscribe or follow or something... Also, feel free to leave a comment or a suggestion. I have never done this before and your input would be much appreciated!

 For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and creature of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by mankind.

But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.

James 3:7-8