The First of Many

So, this is my first blog ever. I turned on my computer today and thought, "Today is a good day to start a blog..." Just an idea that popped into my mind. Usually, I don't follow through with things like this, but I kind of feel like this is important. It can be therapeutic for me and maybe even for others. So why am I doing this? Well, I believe that everyone has a story to tell, and I also believe that every story can directly impact someones life. And this is my goal: that even ONE girl somewhere will read this, and understand that there is hope and a better way out there and choose life. That's it.

A little background info about me... I am currently 24 years old. I live in Knoxville, TN with my new husband and I am pregnant with our first child. I have been a Christian for 2 years now, and although the going hasn't always been easy, it has definitely been worth it, and I am SO much happier now than I was. Don't worry; I'm not a bible thumper and I don't shove my beliefs down other people's throats. I do, however, mention it from time to time, because you talk about what you love and I happen to love Jesus.

Anywho, I guess the best place to start telling my story is the beginning. In order to understand who I became, you have to understand where I came from. People are very much shaped by their environments, and even though there are a select few who choose to rise up and overcome their circumstances, some people, like myself, used those circumstances as an excuse for all kinds of deplorable behavior. It is nothing more than a way of placing the blame for one's decisions on someone or something else, when in reality, the decision ALWAYS lies in yourself.

I was born in Fairbanks, Alaska (yes, Alaska) to missionary parents. I was the youngest of 4 and don't remember a thing about Alaska whatsoever. All I know is that my mom was chased by a moose a couple of times and my dad built the one-room log cabin that we lived in. There were several years when my parents were serving God and everything was great! But things changed.... my dad started drinking. And drinking. And drinking some more. Things escalated, until my dad began having an affair, and my mom started struggling with some old temptations, mainly, being attracted to women. My mother and I have talked about this many times since I have grown up, and lesbianism is something she always struggled with. Now, I know some people may disagree, and I don't mean to offend, but it's wrong. And my mother has always known it was. So she fought it, and married my father anyway and had 4 kids and had a great life, but she was never really happy. How can you be, when you struggle with something that is so taboo, and even though you want to, you can never truly be at peace? This was before any of us knew about our mom's struggle, I might add. I don't really know all the details, and I don't really want to, but it all came to a head at a family reunion when I was about 6? 7? I don't know. My dad was talking to his mistress, and my sister Andrea called him out on it. He hit her and about that time, my mom walked in to see my sister, who was 12 or 13 at the time, being attacked. Well, my mom is no punk and she went NUTS!! Her and my father got into a fistfight and the last thing I remember about that night is being loaded into our old station wagon, and my mom screaming, "You can pack your sh*t when you get home!!!" At that moment, I knew that life would never be the same for any of us.

I'm going to stop here for now. I don't want to write a novel on my first post, or I may not be able to stop lol. I will continue the story sometime in the next couple of days. Stay tuned.... if you think the story is juicy now, just wait!

They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.  

 Revelation 12:11