Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Click-Clack, Pow!

The second year I was stripping went by just as quick as that first year did. All the days just kind of blend together when your life has no purpose. I worked, came home, slept all day, woke up, smoked some weed, and went back to work. It was an endless cycle and I had come to absolutely HATE it. Diamond had left Derik because she had been giving him money to pay all the bills in their house while he wasn't working, and somehow, the bills weren't being paid, so he lost his house and she had enough of his lying about where the money went. He still hung around the strip club though, and she quit dancing so she wouldn't have to deal with him anymore. With Diamond gone, I was miserable. She was my best friend, in and out of the club, and I was disappointed that she left. But it was the right decision for her, and after she left Derik, she was the happiest I had seen her in a long time. So I was happy for her, but not sure what I was going to do. Sure, I talked about getting out, but how was I supposed to do that? I had bills! I couldn't wait 3 weeks for that first paycheck! I had a grown man and a weed habit to support! Eventually I got my chance. I was over it, and so I applied for a job at Walmart. With the help of a friend peeing for me so I could pass my drug test, I got the job. I couldn't wait to start, but I figured I would just work at both jobs until I started getting my paychecks, and then wean myself off of the quick money.

I did quit dancing for a very short period of time.... about 2 weeks. And this is why:

After one exceptionally busy night at the club, it was time to close it down. It was last call and the bouncers were walking around throwing all the beer bottles away. We were not closed just yet, but I knew I wouldn't be going on stage again and so I already had my clothes on and was just waiting for us to close so I could leave. Then a HUGE fight broke out on the floor. I guess someone wasn't done with their beer yet, and didn't take so kindly to it being thrown away. What resulted was the worst bar fight I have ever seen. I mean, it was CRAZY!! There were bar stools being used as weapons, pool sticks flying everywhere, bottles and glasses being thrown around, and there was even a guy with a broken leg using his crutches to just beat the crap out of someone. It was intense. And then..... shots fired. If you have never been in a situation where a gun is going off awfully close to where you are, let me just tell you, it is SCARY! I grew up in the suburbs, ok!? I had never been in a shooting and now, the club I was working at was getting shot up. Well, anyone who worked there that wasn't involved in the fight, was now running to the dressing room and hiding. I hid behind a locker and prayed that I wouldn't be shot by a stray bullet, or that the shooter wouldn't come into the dressing room and start capping the girls. There were at least 4 more gun shots...and then.... silence.

We waited for the bouncers to come let us know that we could go home, and what a sorry sight they were. They got it bad, but fortunately no one was shot. I left that night shaken to my core. One of the bullet holes was in a mirror on one of the stages, and it was right where a dancer's head would be had we still been running stages. I got home, and Chris asked me what the heck was wrong with me, and I just broke down crying and told him what happened and how scared I was. He held me while I cried and told me I didn't have to go back there; he would get a job and I could get a regular job and we would make it. I was thrilled. This was the man I wanted; a man who would work and help me out with the bills. We would finally be a normal couple and I wouldn't have to buy his love anymore.

That night I swore I was done. I realized what a dangerous occupation stripping could be, and I didn't want to die. I loved my life more than I loved money, and I was going to do whatever it took to get out of that life.

The night of the shooting was the night before I was supposed to start my job at Walmart. I already had the job, so I decided I was done with stripping and I was not going to go back. And I didn't. Until I got that first paycheck.

During my first 3 weeks at Walmart, Chris got a job!! I was so proud of him! We were going to make it work... that is until we started running out of things. When you get a new job, you don't get paid for generally 2 to 3 weeks depending on when in the pay period you start. Our resolve was strong, until we ran out of weed. And then we ran out of cigarettes. Then we started running out of food, which didn't bother him so much, because he could just go to the studio and eat. But I was pretty much hungry all the time. I survived off of gas station hot dogs and candy bars. Finally, when the last of my stripping money was gone, I got a check!!! I have never been so proud of a check before either. I didn't have to take my clothes off for that paycheck. I earned it honestly and in a way that my mom could be proud of, but for some reason, it just wasn't enough for me. I made in 2 weeks what I could have made in 2 days at the club! After talking with Chris and then discovering that he lost his job because being at the studio was more important to him than being on time to work, we decided that I had to go back to the club. So, about 2 weeks after I "quit for good", I was getting dropped off again at those familiar black doors, hating life and feeling like a fool. It was about that time that my feelings for Chris started to subside. I was furious that I had to come back to this place because he WOULD NOT keep a job.

I worked at both Walmart and the club for about 3 months. It was hell. I worked at the club until 2 in the morning, got home around 3, crawled into bed exhausted and got about 4 hours of sleep, until my alarm woke me up at 7, so I could be at Walmart at 8. I would work at Walmart until about 4 or 5, come home, get high and go straight to work at the club. I was miserable, but I stuck it out until one day I literally passed out from exhaustion at Walmart. I was scanning someone's groceries and all of a sudden, I got that nasty tingly feeling on the back of my neck again. Next thing I know, I'm on the floor with a manager trying to poor Mountain Dew down my throat. That's when I knew I had to make a decision, and since I made more money stripping, I quit working at Walmart and went back to dancing full time.




1 comment:

  1. Chick you should get this in print, totally captivating! God is so good!

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